Haddy and I trying to pose like Jackie Perez, except it got out of hand when we decided to add food into the picture. And now, moving on the today’s blog…about me.
1. I don’t like talking about my feelings.
2. I’m going to talk about my feelings.
3. You may take away something from this. If not, then I hope you had a good read.
This year has been the hardest training season for me. For those of you who don’t know, I train all year to compete at Regionals, a weekend that matters most to me (Youtube “crossfit regionals” if you don’t know what it is). Since 2011, I’ve looked forward to Regionals every year. I train everyday with my friends to make it through the Open, and to fight for a podium finish at Regionals. This year’s training was tough because I didn’t train. I didn’t train with my usual training partners. I made a choice to not lift weights, to minimize the intensity and volume of training. I sat out. Like how hard it is for some people to start going to the gym, was as hard, if not harder, for me to halt training. I did it for the longevity of my athletic career. I sat out this year and watched my friends make it to Regionals, where I’ll be watching them, rather than competing beside them. Sitting on the sidelines has been harder than any year of training I’ve done.
After 2014 Regionals, I decided to make a choice on whether or not I was going to compete in 2015. If I love competing so much why would this even be a decision for me? Well, since 2013, I had been training and competing for 2 years with severe lower back pain. At the 2013 SoCal Regional, the 2nd day of competition put me down on my knees (literally). The pain was so bad, I almost pulled out of the third and final day because even sitting down was unbearable. I somehow managed to push through that weekend and finished in the top 20. I thought I was a tough little one and had my back figured out. I trained through another year and competed at the 2014 Regionals with the fear of wrecking my back. Pretty stupid, I know, shut up. In my opinion, it was the best finish of all my competitions.
Hold on, I wasn’t that stupid. I did get an MRI back in 2013. One surgeon said 3mm disc bulge at L5-S1, another said there was nothing wrong. What’s a girl to do? I treated my back as if it were a bulging disc. In a 12 month period, I tried PT, acupuncture, graston, chiropractic care, ice, anti-inflammatories, pilates, massage therapy, and even months without strength training, I wanted to die. I found my best medicine to be “rest.” It didn’t completely cure the pain, but the pain had lessened by 50%.
So what am I crying about? I miss the training and the competition. I didn’t know what to do with my competitive nature. I want to win, to fight, to push, and to finish in the top 10 of Southern California. I hate losing more than I love winning. It took me a while to accept that I have so many years ahead of me. Being sidelined has taught me a lot. It has given me the opportunity to come back to all the things I’ve pushed aside all these years. It helped me realize that I can have a better balance with training and the life outside of it. It reminded me that I have friends (outside of CF) to laugh with. It reminded me that I have a family who’s been there for me, and only asks for my company. It reminded me that I can go surfing and snowboarding, or play with Legos (I love Legos). It reminded me that I have a community of athletes who I can inspire by not just being an athlete, but by being a better owner/coach. I thought I had to sacrifice all those things so nothing would “get in the way” of training. I’ve now come to realize that I am capable of doing all those things even while pursuing my athletic goal.
I’m very fortunate to have family and friends who let me be selfish all these years, and to let me pursue my passion. My athletic ability is not the sole definitive of my being. I’ve learned that that’s not the only thing I want my life to be about. So when I get back to training for 2016, I’m going to be at your party, I’m going to see my family, I’m going to give the time to my friends, and I’m going to make better athletes.
WO: Snatch Pulls / Hang Snatch; Run / PS / Pull Ups